Movie #1: A Wind Named Amnesia - 1/5 stars

You can watch A Wind Named Amnesia online, for free, here.
Here's the Wikipedia page.


I wish I could come across amnesia wind so I could forget this awful movie. It gets 1 star for the fact it was animated.

The premise of the film is that everyone except one person on Earth loses their memory thanks to a wind that causes amnesia. This one person is a child with a computer for a brain. Now, I know what you're thinking, how could this film go badly? Well, for a start, the kid DIES and he imparts only *some* of his knowledge to the most one-dimensional protagonist I have EVER come across, who is then expected to travel across the world teaching people how things like: how to speak again; how to not sacrifice women to demolition machines they think are gods; how to get naked at the beach. Turns out he's pretty shit at everything except the last one. At the outset of the film he meets a random woman who later turns out to be an alien (more on that later) while being attacked by the antagonist - the worst robot ever created.

So this guy and the random woman travel about, apparently trying to get to New York, and although at the start they make it sound like they'll be stopping off at loads of cities and having great adventures along the way, they only stop twice. With lame adventures. The robot turns up occasionally to attack, loses, and then goes off to repair itself. They end up in Las Vegas for some reason, I have no idea why, it isn't crucial to the story and nothing happens there (unless it did and I ignored it through being increasingly apathetic towards the film in general). So, it's about this point, maybe 80% through the movie, that nothing has really happened SO THERE IS A MONTAGE. Of them TRAVELLING ACROSS AMERICA. They go through Kansas (I really had lost interest by the time this happened) and various other places while some song is played that left no impact at all. Worst montage ever.

Anyhow, they get to New York, and the final ten minutes of the film is them having the most boring fight against a robot in history (during which they pretty much get lucky, there's some explosion, the robot falls to it's 'death' and is impaled by I-beams. Yeah, I don't even know...) and then, for the second time in the movie, there is boob because they realised they hadn't developed any love story or whatnot. The woman is an alien and it was her people that made everyone lose their memories, terrible suggestion at sex, the end.

Should anyone watch this movie?: No, don't fucking bother.